


friends, trolls, jily stans

by EliteDelieght, punkrockbadger



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, POC Potters, Tumblr: jilytober, Youtuber AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-07
Updated: 2015-10-07
Packaged: 2018-04-25 07:24:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4951672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EliteDelieght/pseuds/EliteDelieght, https://archiveofourown.org/users/punkrockbadger/pseuds/punkrockbadger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>James chuckled, shaking his head. “You’ll be keeping me around a good, long while, though.”</p><p>“Only if we’re shooting for a happily ever after.” Lily laughed. “Lucky for us, you hate tragic endings.”</p><p>“Lucky us.” James grinned, shifting a little closer to Lily and bending down to be inside the frame as well. He pressed a kiss to the top of her head, smiling fondly as he hugged her tight. “We’ve really got it good.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	friends, trolls, jily stans

**Author's Note:**

> Lai and I've been writing this fic for a long, long time, and we're glad to get this first installment out to you for our Jilytober day! Hope it's worth the wait! :)

“Hey there!” James says, eyes bright and ready to go as he waves to the camera he’s holding in front of himself. “Everybody ready for the best day ever?”

He’s always felt at home in front of a camera-- there are videos of him as a little kid busting a move with one of those brightly colored plastic microphones, and his parents would always laugh at the fact that he’d become ten, no, fifteen times more talkative when he knew someone was recording him. So it was only natural that, one day, he’d picked up a camera and hadn’t turned back once.

Other people had started watching, despite James’ original intention of putting the vlogs up just to keep his parents assured that he was doing fine away at college, and then it’d slowly, but surely, taken over his life. His parents were surprisingly alright with him pursuing Youtube as a career rather than putting his his biology degree to use, something most people couldn’t (or wouldn’t) believe, but all it had taken was proof that he was committed to it and would be able to support himself. And, of course, an agreement that he would show up for dinner with Sirius at least twice a month and behave himself the whole time, but that wasn’t something you told people too freely.

“We’re going to have a bit of a sit down talk today, once I reach the table, yeah? You and me, all special.” James grins, resting his elbow on the table as he sits down at the dining table. “So, as my Tamil followers know, today’s Pongal. Amma’s already been over, done the milk boiling and all, and Sirius’ll be out here soon to steal the payasam she’s left in the fridge.” He shook his head. “That’s Sirius for you, though. For followers that aren’t Tamil, we’re celebrating the harvest season today. We do this in January, on the fourteenth or the fifteenth, ‘cause the seasons are different in India than they are here, since the equator’s close by and all.”

“Anyway.” James said, pausing a second to run a hand through his hair. “That means today’s vlog’ll just be this one take-- Amma and Appa will be back soon, since we’ll likely go to temple as a family and all, so most of my day’ll be gone in that. If any of you see me, though, say hello! I love meeting you guys. Regardless, I swear I’ll make up for this with an extra long vlog tomorrow. I’d just feel odd bringing a camera to temple, yeah? Bhagavan doesn’t seem like the type to be too chill with that.”

“I’m glad nobody’s been too angry about this. Mentioned that today’s vlog would be a fair bit shorter than usual on Twitter last night and some of you sent me the sweetest messages. I’d especially like to thank the couple of you that tweeted at me in Tamil. Most fun thing ever, reading your messages, and I showed my parents and they’re proud of you kids too. Told me I should follow decent folks like you guys on Twitter, so I just might follow some of you later tonight. Call it an apology, if you like.” He grinned, just as the doorbell rang. “That’ll be the folks, then. Thanks for being understanding, guys. Love you all.” He waved to the camera. “Catch you on the flipside!”

“Janardhan!” His mother yelled, banging on the door. “Andha madathanattha nirutthu!” (Stop your ridiculous stuff right this second!)

“Varen, ma!” James yelled, stopping to grab his phone off the charger and stuff his keys into his the pocket of his jeans before running to the door. (I’m coming, Mom!)

* * *

 

“Hello, ladies, gents, and various other genders of the interwebs.” Lily Evans had been opening her videos with that exact line for as long as the majority of her followers could remember. Her charming smile, the focus of many a gifset, was aimed directly at her webcam. “Today is a pretty sweet day. I don’t know how many of you keep track of my dear friend Remus, but it’s his birthday. So, before I continue this video, I’d like everyone to click the link I’ll be editing on-screen later and wish him a happy birthday!”

Sure enough, later on when the video itself was posted there would be a bubble containing a link to Remus’ twitter hovering above her empty hand. She had gotten good at the editing thing, after a few years. Her youtube account-- butterflyevans32 (a username she had taken in middle school and never gotten around to changing)-- was rather popular, due to her spectacular prank videos, of which Remus was usually the victim.

“In celebration, please enjoy this compilation of my personal favorite pranks I’ve pulled on him.” Lily grinned cheekily. “Not including the famous pantsing clips, of course.”

And with that she reached out to shut her webcam off.

* * *

“Do you think they’ll figure it out?” James asked, swinging his legs up onto the couch to lay them across Lily’s lap. His phone slid off his leg and onto the carpet, but he made no effort to pick it up. “That we’re us and all?”

Lily elbowed at his legs, shoving her way closer so that she could lay against his shoulder. “Nah, they’ll probably think I got offended by something in your videos.”

“I don’t even think you watch my videos, actually.” James said, putting an arm around her shoulders. “That’s for the best, I think.”

“I’m too busy making mine.” She said, eyes never lifting from her phone. “Sirius gives me play-by-plays sometimes.”

“I’ve had to stop letting him into them lately, so it makes sense that he’s latched on to you instead.” James chuckled. “That’s our Sirius.” His phone buzzed from where he’d dropped it on the floor a few minutes earlier, but he made no move to pick it up. “And that’ll be your fans, coming after me for something I didn’t do.”

“Just block ‘em.” Lily hummed, tapping at her keyboard. “They’re already demanding to know what you’ve done to hurt my honor.”

“I existed, apparently.” James pouted. “That seems to be more than enough, these days.”

“It’s true. I mean look at your face. It’s begging to be punched.” She snorted.

“No it’s not. I know my face better than you do.” James frowned. “And you better not say that I look at it more than you do, because we both know you’re lying.”

“Are you implying something, Potter?” She reached one hand up to blindly grope at his face in an attempt to plug his nose.

“Not unless you want me to be.” He batted her hand away from his face. His phone buzzed again and he looked over at it. “‘I knew @fakejamespotter was an asshole, I just didn’t have proof until now. Thanks, James.’ Ten bucks it’s a Snape account.”

“Do you know how many Snape accounts I’ve blocked? Too many.” Lily groaned. “I can’t tell which ones are actually him at this point.”

“I’m always afraid I’m just blocking some random kid.” James said, shaking his head. “I mean, it’s safer than waiting for him to reveal himself like usual. Why does he keep doing that?”

“They deserve to get blocked if they’re pretending to be the Maggot Man.” Lily mumbled. “I think he just wants attention.”

“I think he just wants your attention.” James corrected. “But, seeing as I’ve got all of that, he’s out of luck.”

“That’s presumptuous.” Lily told him, finally looking up. “I haven’t even moved into your flat yet.”

“Well, you will be soon.” James shrugged. “Just got to get your viewers used to it.”

“Hence why we’re fighting on twitter, I guess.” Lily laughed, leaning in to kiss his cheek.

“We got past the fighting stage two weeks ago. Why do we need to do it again?” James whined. “I just got out of trouble!”

“Our relationship started with fighting, so it’s only realistic to introduce the internet to it with more fighting.” She said.

“Makes sense.” James nodded. “So do we have to fake fight when you’re in the vlogs, then? Should I keep blurring you out? Can I keep doing the voice thing? I love doing the voice thing. Everyone’s started calling you Vader, now. It’s brilliant.”

“That’s our big reveal. I show up in a Darth Vader costume and we have a battle with those glowing swords.” Lily hummed, tilting her head back to stare at the ceiling. “Then after I kick your ass, I can be like Eowyn when she whips off her helmet.”

“Lightsabers, babe. I can’t believe you don’t know lightsabers.” James groaned. “I’m moving in with a fake Star Wars nerd. You promised you were just as bad as me.”

“I promised no such thing. I promised to put up with it.” Lily reminded him.

“Points for Eowyn, though. That was a good one.” James nodded. “People will be surprised and horrified, especially because you’re apparently sending people after me on Twitter.”

“I was calling you out because you’re a fucking loser. Correcting me on Star Wars trivia. Jeez.” Lily said, putting her splendid acting chops to use by looking legitimately offended.

“I’m not a loser. I distinctly remember you saying I was fun to be around at least once. Although that was to Petunia. I guess I’m better when compared to her.” James shrugged.

“Anyone is better when compared to my sister. Plus, I’ll say anything if it’ll piss her off.” Lily snickered.

“Even my mother doesn’t like her, and she likes everybody. I mean, she even likes me.” James laughed. “Says something about Petunia, doesn’t it?”

“Says that Vernon is the only person who can like her-- and that’s just because she isn’t quite as unpleasant as him.” Lily shuddered at the thought of her sister’s boyfriend. Vernon was quite possibly the most boring person in the world-- a perfect match for her sister, who wanted nothing more than the most normal, dull life in the world.

“He’s quite bad.” James nodded. He’d only met Vernon once, at Lily’s parents’ place, and within fifteen minutes, they’d both been asked to leave. “You’re not bringing him up because we have to talk to him again, right?”

“God, no. I’ll lock myself in your bathroom and attempt to drown in the bathtub before I let that happen.” Lily groaned.

“Thank you.” James sighed in relief. “I want to avoid that for as long as possible.”

“Oooh, James, someone is calling you out in a different language!” Lily said, turning her phone screen so that he could see.

“I’ve got two words for you, babe-- Google Translate.”

Lily tapped at her phone, pulling up Google. A few moments later she let out a startled laugh. “How dare you not responded adequately Lily horse bastard.” She quoted through her giggles. “What were they trying to say?”

“How many languages did you put it through?” James asked, reaching out to grab his phone off the floor. “Probably calling me a dick sniffer or something of the sort.” 

“Like. Three.” She shrugged. “I think they called you a horse fucker.”

“Well, at least that’s new.” James said, unlocking his phone to scroll through his twitter feed. “Your fans are good at sending some solid hate. Here’s one calling me an asshole. Here’s one defending your honor. That one says fedora in it, so it’s probably Snape. There’s my dad, telling me to use my words, because ‘faces aren’t worth a thousand words like pictures’. And there’s Sirius, coming to my rescue. And tagging me in it. It’s like he wants recognition or something.”

“He always wants recognition. If you don’t acknowledge him, he cries to Remus, and then Remus complains to me to ask you to acknowledge him. It’s a vicious cycle, James.” Lily sighed dramatically.

“True. Should call him. He’ll get lonely without me.” James said, before nodding thoughtfully. “That’s probably why people think we’re dating.”

“Well, he was your roommate for years.” Lily pointed out. “And you guys have zero boundaries.”

“We have some boundaries.” James protested. “Like he can’t leave stuff on my side of the fridge, and doing our laundry separately and stuff.”

“Those aren’t boundaries, those are habits.” Lily sighed.

“Okay, fine.” James rolled his eyes. “Maybe we don’t have boundaries.”

“I know you don’t. There’s no maybe about it.”

“I’m Lily Evans and I’m always right.” James said, pitching his voice as high as he could, pretending to flip his hair. “Nobody can ever prove me wrong because I know everything about everyone.” He stuck his tongue out at Lily before looking back at his phone, expression suddenly serious. “Oh. There’s something you should see.”

Lily shoved her bony elbow into his shoulder, her grin only brightening with his last statement. “More hate?” She asked, picking up her phone again and glancing at the screen.

“Worse.” He held out his phone to her, looking far too solemn to be joking. “There’s shipping meta.”

* * *

“James.” Lily said, shaking her boyfriend awake. The clock read just after three in the morning, which was when Lily functioned best. Unfortunately, that was not true for everyone else, most of all, her boyfriend. “We need to talk.” 

“Maybe we should talk to each other.” James said, sleepily rubbing at his eyes. “But not, like, now. Later.”

“What’s wrong with now?” Lily protested, practically crawling on her boyfriend as she attempted to turn the lamp on. After a few tries, during which she accidentally kneed him in the crotch twice, she finally got the bedside lamp on. “Also, it’s an important conversation.”

“Some people like waking up at decent times in the morning, that’s all.” James said, grabbing Lily’s pillow from beside him to cover his head. “Stop talking. Was having a good dream. You weren’t there and Sirius wasn’t there and I was actually enjoying myself.”

“Okay, you can enjoy that later. Because I’m here now and that’s much better than my absence.” Lily grabbed the pillow off his face and sat on his stomach. “Anyway. Big news. Our fans don’t know we’re dating.”

“You’re biased.” James groaned, slapping at her arm in the hopes that she would get off of him. “Fine. We make a video, and we tell them. Simple. Didn’t need to wake me up for that.”

“I’m bi, not biased.” Lily quipped. “Also, we need to milk this for all it’s worth. Do you know the kind of prank we could turn this into? It’ll be great!”

“We’ve punked everyone for years.” James mumbled sleepily. “It’s the biggest prank you’ve done. Except for the Remus pantsing montage. That was years of effort. Great job, love. Inspired.”

“That wasn’t a prank, that was art.” Lily agreed, laying down on top of her boyfriend. “But the reveal is just as important as the execution. It needs to shock them.”

“I think me just showing up would be enough.” James said, sounding much more awake than he had two seconds ago. Unfortunately, once awake, James Potter could not be counted on to fall back asleep, so Lily had destroyed any chance at getting a good night’s rest. “Your fans would all scream a lot. Set things with my face on them on fire.”

“We’ll be merging our fandoms, pretty much.” Lily hummed, tucking her face into the crook of his neck. “They’ll be screaming no matter what.”

“Not as much as you will be.” James said, grinning. “That was good, right?”

“That was terrible and I hate you.” Lily sighed. “Why did I wake you up?”

“Cause you wanted prank ideas.” James said, tucking a strand of hair that had fallen into Lily’s face behind her ear. “We could start tweeting at each other more, I guess. Did one today, but we’ll shoot for more than that from now on. April Fools is coming up Friday. Could tell them then that we’ve been dating on your channel. They’ll think it’s a lie, we’ll have you in the vlogs not blurred out as well. Maximize effect and whatnot. It’ll be incredible.”

“There it is. The reason I like you.” Lily laughed, ruffling James’ hair. “That’s perfect- I’ll ditch my plans for April Fool’s Day and use it as a prank later.”

“There will always be time for your brilliant ideas.” James patted Lily’s head. “No worries.”

“Three in the morning and you’re already flattering me. That’s gotta be a record.” Lily hummed.

“That’s the point of you being here, really. Being able to flatter you round the clock.” James chuckled. “Otherwise I’d have to FaceTime you all the time and it’d be terrible.”

“You FaceTime me all the time anyways.” Lily pointed out. “Like this morning when I went to buy a bagel at the corner store and you called me to ask for one. And also to ask me whether I had made coffee or not.”

“Those are important questions!” James frowned. “How was I supposed to know?”

“Getting up and checking the kitchen?” Lily suggested.

“I could’ve, but I didn’t want to unless I knew there was coffee there.” James said. “Reasonable, if you think about it.”

“You’re a giant baby. I don’t know whether I’m dating you or raising you.” She huffed out a laugh.

“Dating me. For sure.” James said, nodding seriously.

“Thank you for the clarification.” Lily rolled her eyes. “Go back to bed.”

“Wouldn’t it be a shame if someone kept you up?” James asked, looking as innocent as possible. “Man, I wonder how much it would suck if you had to stay up all night, talking to me about things."

“I’ll lock you in the bathroom, Potter. Don’t test me.” Lily said grumpily.

“You couldn’t do that without help. Ten years ago, maybe. But not now.” James said, grinning.

“I’ll call Sirius. He’ll help me.” She said. “Or I’ll do what I did freshman year and wait till you have to pee. Then I’ll barricade you in and you’ll cry again.”

“I did not cry.” James protested. “I got upset, sure, but I didn’t cry! Don’t call Sirius for proof. He won’t wake up. And Remus wasn’t there.”

“I’ll text him and he’ll answer in the morning.” Lily said, but made no move to grab her phone. “You totally cried.”

“I was a child.” James pouted. “And you locked me in a bathroom. Not fair.”

“Take me to jail, officer.” She sighed, thrusting her wrists into the air. “I made James Potter cry. Not like it’s hard.”

“Is too.” James frowned. “Haven’t cried in months. And that was only because Sirius shut my fingers in the car door and they hurt.”

“You cried last week when we watched Bug’s Life.” Lily reminded him.

“My eyes were sweating.” James pushed Lily off of him. “Besides, it’s a really nice story, okay?”

“Eyes don’t sweat.” Lily rolled with the push, ending up halfway on the bed and halfway on the floor.

“Which one of us majored in biology?” James said, nudging her feet with his own so she’d fall all the way off. “If I say eyes sweat, I can probably prove it.”

“Can not!” Lily protested, her head popping up so that she could stick her tongue out at James.

“Want me to?” James crossed his arms.

“No. I don’t want to read a five page essay on eye sweat.” Lily groaned. “Just admit you were sad about the ants.”

“Aside from the heterosexual ants, I think it was pretty good.” James shrugged. “I liked Dot. Dot was nice.”

“I’ll buy you a Dot toy.” Lily rolled her eyes, her head disappearing as she laid down on the ground again.

“Don’t need one. I don’t like stuffed toys.”

“What’s this, then?” Lily’s hand came back into view, holding a stuffed Winnie the Pooh doll aloft. She must have pulled it from it’s ingenious hiding spot beneath James’ bed. “Sure looks like a stuffie to me.”

“Stop touching my stuff.” James pushed back the blankets, scooting over to Lily’s side of the bed to snatch the toy from her. “He’s mine.”

“I thought you didn’t like stuffed toys.” Lily smirked up at him, pillowing her head with her arms.

“I don’t like them, but this one’s mine. Don’t have to like it to want your hands off it.” James promptly scooted back over to his side of the bed, shoving the toy under the bed. “You can come back up here. If you want.”

“You asked me to move in, babe. You’re gonna have to get used to sharing.” Lily said. “And maybe I don’t wanna.”

“Fine. I’ll just be alone. Lonely, forever. Alone. All by myself.” James said mournfully, pouting.

“Okay. Knock yourself out.” Lily hummed.

“Hey Lily?” James asked, a few minutes later. “How do you think worms feel about the fact that they can’t walk?”

“Worms don’t have brains. Go back to sleep.” Lily said.

“You woke me up, now you have to deal with me.” James said matter-of-factly. “Does that mean they don’t have any feelings at all? Would a worm cry at Bug’s Life? Do they have eyes?”

“I regret all of my life decisions leading to this moment.”

James nodded solemnly. “I bet worms do too.”

* * *

“Hello, ladies, gents, and various other genders of the interwebs.” Lily spun in her chair to face the webcam, grinning at the tiny light. “Today is the day of every year you wait for with bated breath. I know you’ve all been excited to see what April Fool’s day bullshittery I’d get up to. I’m sad to say there won’t be a repeat of the pantsing Remus video, but I have something much better in store.” 

“Is this when I say hello?” James stage whispered, from where he was sitting beside the camera on a stool he’d dragged in from the kitchen, fiddling with a batman figurine he’d found a few minutes earlier. “I’ve wrecked the video, haven’t I? Sorry.”

“I’d say we can reshoot it, but I don’t think you’ll do any better the second time.” Lily motioned for him to join her.

“That’s your April Fool’s prank, babe. You’ve been evil all along, and the poor, kindhearted people on the interwebs are finally finding out.” James dragged the stool over to where Lily was sitting. “Hello.”

“This is my boyfriend, James. If you follow prongsvlogs, you probably know about him and his terror of a best friend, Sirius.” Lily said, adjusted the webcam so James, who was almost a foot taller than her, was fully in the frame. “We’re gonna do a couple’s Q&A.”

“The list we found’s called the Boyfriend Tag or something. Bound to be interesting.” James pulled his phone out of his pocket. “Got the list on here. You’re supposed to ask me them, so go ahead.”

Lily took the phone, tapping at the screen. “How did we meet?” She asked with a snort.

“September first, 2002. We were fourteen.” James said, nodding confidently. “You yelled at me in first period English for asking what your name was.”

“I did not!” She laughed. “Did I?”

“Sirius’ll tell the whole story, several times over. You don’t even have to ask.” James laughed. “No wonder it took us years to have a proper conversation, after that start. I have a feeling someone’s going to ask if we were high school sweethearts, based on that first bit, and the answer to that is absolutely not.”

“Oh no. We spent high school arguing. I did a lot of screaming. His friends bullied my dick of a best friend.” Lily sighed.

“He was also a blatant racist, so it was more that we weren’t letting that slide than anything else. He just called it bullying ‘cause he wasn’t used to getting called on his shit.” James shrugged, running a hand through his hair. “Anyway, next question.”

“Where was our first date?" 

“My dorm room.” James grinned. “You, me, fire safety violations, some shitty mac and cheese and Lord of the Rings trivia. Pretty good night, in my opinion.”

“The fire department got called, and then so did the police because we were screaming so loudly over the trivia. Everyone on the floor thought we were murdering each other.” Lily shook her head.

“Remus discounted one of my answers on pronunciation.” James said, sounding extraordinarily bitter despite the fact that this had taken place years ago. “How the hell am I supposed to speak English after midnight? It’s not even English, it’s… weird Elf English. More than enough reason to yell, in my opinion.”

“We had to win. It was Lord of the Rings trivia. Life or death shit right there.” Lily agreed. “Okay, what was your first impression of me?”

“Well, I think we covered that under question one.” James chuckled. “Terrified the crap out of me, honestly. You still do, but it’s cuter now, since I get that my life isn’t in danger or anything. Except when you wake me up in the middle of the night. Then you’re still scary.”

“Everything is scary at butt-fuck o’clock in the morning.” She nodded. “Especially pretty girls waking you up to talk about emotions.”

“The emotions part wasn’t even the worst. It was the waking up part.” James shook his head. “Torture. Absolute torture.”

“When did you meet my family?”

“I’d seen your older sister around the high school, but I didn’t meet your family as your boyfriend until… third year of college, I think?” James scratched his head. “I think your parents liked me? I’m not sure.”

“I’m not even sure they like me, half the time. Don’t worry about it, babe.” She patted his arm. “On the other hand, your parents are quite lovely.”

“Yeah, mainly because Sirius prepped them with the yelling story and then they were convinced you were so well behaved and wonderful because you didn’t murder me at the dinner table.” James rolled his eyes. “Sirius is great, but that was a little much.”

“Sirius is ridiculous.” Lily corrected, eyes trained on the phone. “Do I have weird habits or interests?”

“You really like Journey.” James frowned thoughtfully. “You call food that isn’t spicy spicy. You take bowling seriously. You like putting your pets in sweaters when it gets cold. I don’t know if any of those qualify as habits or interests, but they’re still weird.”

“The pet thing is kind of weird, but I think it’s cute. And I don’t want them to get cold. Satan hates the cold.” Lily hummed. “How long have we been together?”

“Satan doesn’t just hate the cold.” James pulled a face. “He hates everything.”

“He is aptly named.”

“Right, uh, back to the question.” James nodded. “We’ll have been dating four years this September. Cue the gasps and the screaming.”

“Surprise.” Lily deadpanned. “We’ve been punking you guys almost as long as this channel has existed.”

“I don’t know how I managed, honestly. I mean, everyone we knew in real life knew all about us, so editing you out of the vlogs constantly was a pain. People have been on to me about dating Vader for ages, so, surprise. Vader’s Lily. And now I don’t have to blur her out constantly. ” James pretended to wipe sweat from his forehead. “I’ve actually read some of the stuff those conspiracy theorists were coming up with, and there are a whole bunch of them that actually figured us out, right down to the timeline of our relationship and everything. Impressive stuff, but creepy.”

“Shipping meta is cool, but crazy.” Lily agreed. “You guys are kinda creepy.”

“Sirius likes to text me particularly odd lines from fanfiction people have written and… I don’t know how to feel about that.” James sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Weird shit, man. Weird shit. Anyway, next question?”

“People write more James and Sirius fanfiction than Jily fanfiction, and I intend to rectify that. Even if it’s creepy. Kind of flattering. But creepy.” Lily nodded.

“Can’t wait to see what you’ll write about us.” James snorted. “James Potter, professional evil scum of the earth, forgot to check the chore sheet this morning. I’m going to cut off his toes. The end.”

“Any couple traditions?” Lily asked, then continued in a quietly confused tone. “What does that even mean?”

“Does crushing Sirius and Remus at trivia competitions count as a tradition?” James frowned thoughtfully, looking to Lily. “I don’t know if we’ve got much other than that. Are we supposed to have traditions?"

“We have movie nights sometimes, but it’s never on the same day of the week.” Lily shrugged.

“We’re not really good at schedules.” James shrugged. “Maybe ask us in a couple years and we’ll have figured out something. What’s next?”

“First road trip.”

“I don’t think we’ve done anything that could be qualified as a road trip. We ditched our friends that one time and went to the beach, but that’s the closest we’ve got.” James shrugged. “I feel like people were expecting something super interesting, and we’re just slowly kicking all of those expectations down. Like when we play Jenga and Satan gets annoyed about people not paying attention to him.”

“We kinda skipped right into the old married couple stage.” Lily snorted. “What was the first thing you noticed about me?”

“Right, I’ve done a lot of answering, so you’ve gotta say something for this one.” James grinned. “Uh, the yelling. You were quite loud. Your eyes are cute. That’s two things.”

“Oh, thank you.” Lily smiled. “I noticed that you looked quiet. And Sirius. Definitely noticed him. You had a nice nose, which is standing out for some reason? Do you know my favorite restaurant?”

“I don’t know why you like Olive Garden that much. It’s weird.” James mimed gagging.

“It’s the unlimited breadsticks.” Lily said seriously.

“Why, so you can put them in your purse dramatically and walk out on people?” James raised an eyebrow.

“How dare you meme at me. I’m breaking up with you.”

“It’s funny!” James pulled a face. “You don’t appreciate memes properly. Wait, if the meaning of words in a language is semantics, is the meaning of memes memantics?”

“I’m leaving you.” Lily whacked his shoulder. “What do we argue about the most?”

“The validity of memes as humor.” James said. “See, perfect. Someone knew that last one would end in an argument, when they set this up. God bless. 

“I’m leaving you.” She repeated. “Who wears the pants in the relationship?”

“I could say how we have equal shares in the power of this relationship, and make decisions together after carefully consulting each other, or I could say you make most of the decisions, because I trust you’ll make the right choice.” James shrugged. “One of those is a lie. You pick.”

Lily lifted her leg into the air with a completely straight face. “We’re both wearing pants.” She said. “James, what do I watch on tv?”

“Bones.” James nodded. “And the other one, with the law kids and the professor. I keep thinking it’s called Murder Time, but I know it’s not.”

“Murder Time is a better title. Let’s go with that.” Lily let out a high-pitched laugh before slapping a hand over her mouth.

“I don’t like either of those.” James shook his head. He was not a fan of shows involving murder, but he was a fan of cuddling, which Lily was infinitely more generous about while watching shows involving murder. It was a good time to answer tweets and look up bad jokes to tell in the next day’s video, and she didn’t seem to mind too much that he didn’t like the shows one bit.

“Speaking of disliking things- what’s my least favorite food?”

“Squash.” James said, scrunching up his nose. “You hate it.”

“Ding ding ding.” Lily waved her index finger around as she imitated a bell. “We have a winner. See, when I was a kid, my sister Petunia loved squash. Like, eat it for breakfast, lunch, and dinner loved it. And I got so sick of it that I decided the only way to avoid eating it for every meal was to eat all the squash in the house. I didn’t really get the concept of grocery stores as a child. So I ended up puking it all up, of course, and it was orange and disgusting. To this day, I cannot look at a squash without wanting to vomit.”

“I’m so glad I didn’t have siblings right now. So glad.” James looked quite unnerved.

“What drink do I order when we go out to eat?”

“Water, because we are cheap and sad.”

“Okay, if we weren’t cheap, what would I order?” She asked.

“The stuff that tastes like lip balm. Dr. Pepper.”

“What size shoe do I wear?”

“Really small ones.” James frowned, before looking directly at the webcam. “I don’t know how much you know this, but she has abnormally tiny feet. They’re really small, guys. Really.”

“Up we go.” Lily suddenly flopped out of view of the webcam and into James’ lap, so that she could lift her sock-clad feet into the frame. “Hello, feet.”

“Well, you don’t need to go looking for a thumbnail anymore. That’s a solid pick.” James laughed. “Alright, next?”

“Favorite sandwich.” Came her muffled voice from his lap.

“Tuna.” James pulled a face. “See, I’m not even the one eating it and I feel like I need mouthwash.”

“I’m really good at the mouthwash thing before kissing, though! I even do it when you aren’t around, because it’s a habit now.”

“Who are you kissing when I’m not around?” James looked confused.

“Sirius, obviously.”

“He’ll save this as proof that you love him as much as I do, you know.” James chuckled. “You’re one of us now.”

“Dear god.” She mumbled. “Okay, okay. What’s one talent I have?”

“You’re very kind. You have a habit of keeping people around well past when they’re good for you. Definitely worries me.” James said, while playing with her hair. “Don’t know if that’s a talent, but you’re certainly good at the being kind bit.”

“We all know you’re talking about Snape, babe.” She hummed. “That’s more of a personality flaw, really.”

“Alright. Here’s a few better ones, then.” He smiled. “You’re brilliant at remembering page numbers, which alway gets us extra points in trivia competitions. You understood organic chemistry the first time around, which is a talent in and of itself. You can always make Sirius shut up. I could go on forever.”

“You’re my favorite.” Her hand came back into view, patting aimlessly at her boyfriend’s face. “Your whole personality is a talent.”

“See, just like I said before.” James turned his head away in embarrassment, smiling so wide that it looked like his face might split in half. “Too kind for your own good.”

“A food I’d eat every day if I could?”

“Cake. But who doesn’t love cake?” James nodded. “Good stuff.”

“Favorite cereal?”

“You don’t like cereal, which I can’t understand, but you think oatmeal’s good. I don’t know what I’d do if you hated oatmeal, actually.” James pulled a face.

“Probably cry more than you already do.” She sat up and smoothed back her hair. “Favorite music?”

“Mine, of course. We all know how much you love me singing in the shower.” James grinned. “Nah, I said it earlier. You’re way too into Journey, babe.”

“I’m white. Sue me. Favorite sports team?”

“Me, of course.”

“Eye color? What? Why is that a question? That’s not a question, that’s just a matter of fact.” Lily said.

“Finally, an easy one.” James looked relieved. “Green."

“And here I thought they were purple.” She mumbled, scrolling down. “Who’s my best friend?”

“I’m going to be presumptuous and say me, now that you’ve fired Snape, but it’s likely Remus.” James shrugged.

“Definitely Remus. What’s something you do that I hate that you do?”

“You hate it when I wake you up early. You hate it when I try to sneak up behind you because you always see me coming and you’re tired of acting surprised. You hate it when I try jokes out on you.” James counted each one off on his finger. “I think there’s enough for that one.”

“Where am I from?”

“Do you want a full ethnicity breakdown? Because I’m pretty sure she’s done something like that at least once.” James laughed. “Percentages and all. It was hilarious. Don’t remember it, anyhow. You’re from close to where we’re living now, seeing as we’re right by both of our parents all over again.”

“What kind of cake do you make me on my birthdays?”

“I made you a pretty cool Jurassic Park one a few years ago. Put some of my dinosaurs on there and everything. I’d probably do that again. You liked that one.” James nodded.

“It was the best cake ever. Sirius wouldn’t let me eat it till I put on a safari hat and sang the theme song.” She laughed. “Do I play sports?”

“No.” James shook his head as fast as he could, looking a little dizzy afterward. “Nope. Never. Never ever.”

“What could I spend hours doing?”

“Pranking people. Spending time with me. Watching movies.” James shrugged. “There’s a lot of stuff you enjoy doing, and I’m lucky that most of it allows for us spending time together too.”

“If I could live anywhere, where would it be?”

“Now that you’re all moved in, I’m hoping your answer is here.” James laughed. “Am I right?”

“Nah, it’s definitely the Bahamas.” Lily replied with a smirk.

“You wound me.” James pouted, putting a hand over his heart.

“You’re a close second.” She assured him. “Or, like. Third. After the Batcave. But I’d bring you with me.”

“I dunno if we could live in the Batcave.” James frowned thoughtfully. “Wouldn’t be any food down there. And there are also a lot of bats. We could get rabies.”

“Then we’ll get shots first. Consider it a date.” Lily shrugged. “Doesn’t Batman have a butler? He could bring food down.”

“I don’t like shots.” James shook his head. “Alfred! Yeah!”

“Yeah, him!” Lily snapped her fingers.

“Alfred’s my favorite.” James grinned. “I like Alfred.”

“You see a kindred spirit in him.” Lily said sagely. “You have the soul of an old man.”

“Says the old lady.” James nudged Lily in the ribs with his elbow.

“Excuse you, I am young and vibrant and totally badass.” Lily shoved at his arm with a grin. “I’ll kick your ass, old man.”

“I’ll forfeit now, then.” James said, planting a kiss on her cheek. “Save you the trouble.”

“How considerate of you.” She hummed, turning her head to catch his mouth in a kiss. “Or are you just trying to escape a fight you know you’ll lose?”

“Both, I guess.” He grinned.

“Smart man.”

Lily spent another few seconds smiling at her boyfriend before pulling back. “Well that’s all I had planned for today. Might post a montage of old pranks later, if anyone is interested. Bye for now!” She said to the camera, reaching out to finish filming.

“Well, that could’ve gone worse!” James said cheerfully.

“I’ll edit it and post it sometime before noon.” Lily stretched her arms above her head. “Then we watch people explode.”

“I’ll brace myself for screaming.” James rolled his eyes, before frowning suddenly. “Oh. Shit. I haven’t filmed at all yet.”

“You’re screwed, Alfred.”

* * *

 

“Hey there! Everybody ready for the best day ever?” James asked, waving to the camera he was holding in his left hand, a smile on his face. “We’re starting out late today, thanks to a little something you’ll all see soon. A collab, sort of. Hopefully one that’ll happen more often, if I have any say in it. But we’ll see. It’s all up to her, of course.”

“This is harassment!” Came Lily’s faint voice from the other room. “Mark it down that I am being harassed!”

“Well, guys, you’ve been asking who Vader is for months, and I figured today’s as good a day as any.” James said, running a hand through his hair. “I’m nervous, guys. This is weird. I shouldn’t even be nervous, I mean, a couple of you already have it figured out. But let it be known-- that’s the last Vader voice filter happening in prongsvlogs. Ever.”

He adjusted the camera in his hand, before nodding. “Perfect. Alright, guys. Let’s meet Vader.” James walked down the hallway to the room Lily had been filming in, knocking on the door as he turning the camera around to film in front of him. “Babe, you free?”

Lily spun around in her chair, staring at James from behind a Darth Vader mask that she had almost definitely stolen from Sirius. “What’s up?”

“April Fools, guys. I’ve been actually dating Darth Vader the whole time.” James said, turning the camera back on himself. “I know a lot of you doubted me, but I believe in us, and I really think this is going to work out.”

“He has willingly submitted to the dark side.” Lily intoned, mimicking a light saber noise. She reached up to tug off the mask, shaking her hair free. “Okay, I literally have never seen Star Wars.”

“We’re fixing that.” James said, smiling at Lily before turning the camera to face her. “Alright, guys. Here’s Vader. Say hi, Lily.”

“Hi, Lily.” She smiled up at him. “I’m almost done with my video, by the way.”

“Means I came in here just in time, then. If any of you don’t know Lily, she runs the butterflyevans32 channel on here. Posts a lot of sick prank videos.” James smiled, before looking to Lily. “Babe, your fans are going to tear me to pieces. Can’t wait.”

“Yeah, like yours are any calmer. We’re both dead meat, babe.” She replied.

“Dead meat. Anyway, Lily’s video’ll be up long before when the vlog goes up tomorrow, so you’ll likely have seen it already. I’ll remember to tweet a link or something. Catch you all by surprise. Regardless, Future James will put the link in the description, and maybe an annotation in the corner or something, to make life a little easier on you guys. Definitely go watch it. I embarrass myself at least ten whole times.”

“Your life is an embarrassment.” Lily told him with a grin. “But I like you anyways, so it’s okay.”

“Well, it’s a little better with you in it.” James said, ducking his head in embarrassment afterward. “Oh, man, I’m going to have to cut that out.”

Lily laughed, reaching out in an attempt to swipe the camera from his grip. “No, keep it in! It’s funny.”

“You want a turn?” He asked, holding the camera out to her. “I mean, only if you want to.”

“Trade you.” Lily held out the mask as she took the camera, angling it towards her face. “I’m Lily Evans. I’m a pretty big deal.”

“True romance, viewers.” James deadpanned, as he took the mask from her, looking a little lost without the camera in his hand. He quickly fixed that by fiddling with the mask, however, and was quickly occupied by sticking his hand in it and moving it around to make it look like Vader’s head was growing out of his arm instead of a hand. “True romance.”

“We practically scream romcom.” Lily agreed, turning the camera so that James’ endeavors with the mask were visible. “Between my dashing good looks and sense of humor, you’re really just here as the romantic interest.”

“As long as somebody’s interested, I’m good.” James chuckled, shaking his head. “You’ll be keeping me around a good, long while, though.”

“Only if we’re shooting for a happily ever after." Lily laughed. “Lucky for us, you hate tragic endings.”

“Lucky us.” James grinned, shifting a little closer to Lily and bending down to be inside the frame as well. He pressed a kiss to the top of her head, smiling fondly as he hugged her tight. “We’ve really got it good.”

* * *

The day was peaceful. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and James was perfectly content with filling out his half of the crossword. It was a beautiful day. 

Until Lily opened the door.

Opened was, perhaps, a rather mild description for the way she opened aforementioned door. If the door were human, it would probably have sustained a large bruise, and possibly cried and filed a lawsuit against Lily Evans for assault.

“James!” She called, her tone equal parts excited and amused.

“Yeah?” He looked up from the newspaper, folding it shut. “What seems to be the issue?”

“Look at this.” She said in lieu of answering. She strode across the room, her messy hair tumbling over her shoulder and into James’ face as she leaned down to show him her phone. The screen displayed her twitter feed, which seemed to be nothing but notification after notification that her followers were tweeting her. “They’re going nuts.”

“Of course.” James nodded. “We gave them some big news, I mean, anyone would go nuts over it. Has Amma texted you already? Because apparently Sirius told her about the video, so she went and watched it, and now I’m refusing to check my phone.”

“Of course she did. She said it was lovely and that she expects us for dinner next saturday.” Lily pulled her phone back before depositing herself in her boyfriend’s lap. “Your dad says hi. Also he said my video was funnier.”

“I’ll believe it when I see it.” James said, pulling a face. “He definitely likes me better than you. Hands down.”

“Does he follow your twitter?” Lily asked off-handedly.

“Yeah. Both my parents do. Why?” James frowned. “Did I sit on my phone again?”

“Because if he knows you’re taunting innocent people then he’ll definitely like me more.” Lily teased, waving her phone in his face again.

“Taunting innocents?” James feigned surprise. “Me? I demand proof.”

“Ta da.” Lily pointed dramatically at the tweet he had posted a few hours earlier. “People are going crazy over it.”

“As they should be.” James grinned. “It’s a good photo of us.”

“More in the ‘I can’t believe you dicks kept this from us’ way. Every photo of us is a good photo.” Lily hummed.

“True. We’re pretty photogenic.” James nodded. “Would make our careers a little rough, if we weren’t.”

“Let’s quit the youtube thing and become models.” Lily suggested, tucking her feet against James’ thigh.

“We can’t quit, now that we’ve pulled this. They’re expecting us to stick with it now, show them what we’ve been hiding all these years.” James laughed. “Got a sick new end slate for tomorrow and everything. Sirius animated you, so now you’ve got a bit as well. Un-Vadered a bunch of footage of your most embarrassing moments for the new intro too.”

“Oh god. You aren’t allowed to prank me, that’s my job. I’ll have to find embarrassing videos of you somewhere and retaliate.” Lily snorted. “Then you’ll shoot something back and it’ll devolve into a video war that makes the shippers crazy.”

“Let’s not, then.” James shook his head. “You can take a look, then. Tell me what bits you don’t want in there. The point isn’t to embarrass you or anything.”

“Nah, I’m sure it’s fine.” She smiled. “I was only teasing. I can take whatever you can dish out.”

“It’s not that bad. I mean, there’s the ice cream up the nose one. And then the bit where you were filming and Satan attacked you. And also the time I pushed you too hard on the swings and you fell off. Nothing too incriminating.” James shrugged.

“Did you include the shot where I accidentally knocked Sirius out with his toy lightsaber?” Lily batted her eyes innocently.

“I hadn’t, but I’ll definitely put it in, now that you’ve mentioned it.” James nodded seriously. “Although I do think Sirius might’ve had that be your animation bit in the end. Except you’re obviously knocking me out instead of him, since he’s intent on rewriting history.”

“Why does he try to fix what’s already perfect?” She sighed, leaning her head back. “He’s problematic.”

“I don’t know.” James shrugged. “He knows I can easily prove him wrong by posting the footage. I should. Should be an easy fix, so I can get it done before the video goes up with time to spare.”

“He’s gonna whine to Remus, and then Remus is going to complain to me about you. Our friend group is a mess.” Lily laughed.

“We need new friends.” James groaned.

“We aren’t friendly enough to make new friends. And even if we did, Sirius’d just get jealous and cry on all our furniture.” Lily reminded him.

“We can set Satan on him.” James said, looking far too excited at the prospect. “Sirius would be too distracted to cry and Satan would be too distracted to pee on the furniture if we set them on each other.”

“Then we escape the apartment and go on an epic tour of the country. It’ll be fun.” Lily hummed, pressing her lips against James’ temple.

“Sounds epic.” James said, grinning. “We’ll have to be packed beforehand, of course, but not packed enough that he’d catch on. God, it sounds like we’ve got a child, the way we talk about him. Can you imagine?”

“Having a child? Of course I can. We have Sirius.” Lily chuckled.

“Gotta get that one out of the house before we try for another.” James snorted. “He’d piss himself, I can already see it.”

“How many kids do you want, anyways?” Lily asked after a pause. “Hypothetically.”

“I can see us with two. That’d already be three, counting Sirius. That plus Satan is a full house.” James shrugged, pulling Lily a little closer. “Hypothetically, of course. Haven’t thought about that at all.”

“Two.” Lily hummed thoughtfully, laying her head against her boyfriend’s shoulder. “A boy and a girl. Maybe. Not that we’re thinking that far ahead, of course.”

“We’re, like, five.” James rolled his eyes, craning his neck to plant a kiss on her forehead. “Besides, we’d have to get married first, and that’d be a total waste of time.”

**Author's Note:**

> Leave us some feedback in the comments, or come find us at [ yamibakuraofficial (Lai) ](http://yamibakuraofficial.tumblr.com) or [desiprongspotter (Sriram)](http://desiprongspotter.tumblr.com) on tumblr! We're excited to hear what you guys think! :)


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